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Meet That Thick Girl Whose Only Crime was the Desire to Have Fun on New Year’s Day

Happy New year people of God.

I am not superstitious, I don’t do omens, I do my thing and trust God… Then today happened.

I have been wanting to go to the movies for a while now, I wanted a chilling place, just an avenue to while away time and be happy.
For you see, I was bored at home. I did not have a very splendid holiday, so I wanted to make up for it… I wanted to take myself out.

At the point, I didn’t care what movie I was going to see,  I just wanted to go see a movie. So I scanned my options, “Chief Daddy,  Up north, Lion Heart, etc. I started with Chief Daddy, I had booked the ticket only for my bank to deny the transaction. (I am happy they did sef, by then, the movie had prostituted itself all through the country, I didn’t want to see what the whole Nigeria had already seenπŸ™„)

I continued my search for a ticket o,  but kolewerk. I should have taken the hint then .. I should have known Jehovah was trying to tell me something…. Oh!  If I had listened!πŸ˜ͺ

Then finally, today I got through…I settled for Lion Heart after convincing myself that Netflix sabi whatsup. I told myself, baby yo! You’re gonna have a sweet time mehn!

As I was about leaving, my mum tried to stop me… Oh brethren, the signs were there. They were looking me right in the eye o o o oh 🎡.πŸ˜ͺ I defied her, I was like “There’s nothing in the world can take me away from my film 🎡.

I arrived the cinema late; car problem… (Another sign people of God). They still wasted my time at the cashier… (Yet Another sign). So I entered when the movie had long started.

As I entered the hall, I was blinded by the darkness.  The only thing I could see was the screen. I wandered like blind Bartemaeus. I almost felt up a girl because I was looking for a seat.  I wandered about whispering “excuse me” to everyone.  I was lost, nobody even offered to point me to an empty seat.  😒 Chai!
I felt like crying until a steady voice whispered “come and seat over here”, finally.

After the movie, I didn’t even know how I felt… Mixed emotions everywhere…to add to it,  people were just playing love anyhow πŸ™„ mtcheww… I just carried my singular self to go and get meat pie and chicken and then I left. πŸ˜‘

I had planned to take pictures earlier but I couldn’t, as I walked out of the mall, I said to myself “self, look at you… man you did not get,  picture, you did not take, fun,  you did not have… So much for sweet time” πŸ˜’

Feeling aloof, I boarded a bus to the junction. Everything seemed okay. I was going to go home and devour my meat pie and chicken and continue with my singular life… but as I was about to alight, something caught on my trouser and ‘taaaarrr’ the trouser tore! 
They are following me from the village oo! They are following me!  😭😭

I heard “sorry o, chai fine girl”
I just got down, faced my front and started walking, because if I turn,  I would start crying hot tears.  😭😭

I used nylon to cover the tear as I walked. Before I boarded a car,  I noticed my Hausa ‘cwastomer’ so I went to greet him and to ask if he had eyelash glue.  He said he didn’t, but gave me one follow come from an eyelash kit as Happy New Year.
Finally, something good came out of all these rubbish.πŸ˜€

As I got home,  I punctured the glue, and when I tried to apply it on a lash, ‘poooofff!’…just air!

Somebody shoot me!  😩


*Thick Girl

*Please Drop your Comments mbok.


  1. Lmao it's not that bad actually I guess that's how the ripped jean came about… rock it girl you just got yourself a new ripped jean trouser 😚😚😚

  2. Lol. Thank you Love. I will try and rock it. Even though I don't think the part that got torn is "ripped jean worthy" but I will try. πŸ˜€

  3. Village people oo
    They want to follow you into the new year
    It's a lie oo, we will not agree, 24 days dry fasting is necessary.. Lol

  4. Hei! Please prescribe a fire spitting, holy ghost provoking church for me oo. Lol

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