An aspect of inequality that continues to baffle me is the inequality that exists within the institution of marriage, especially in Africa.
From the “thought nurturing” stage to the stage of actual happenstance, I marvel at how a girls mind is carved through conscious or unconscious manipulation.
Right from when a girl is little, she is manipulated to think and breathe marriage. A little action or misbehavior and statements like “Is that how you are going to behave in your husbands house?” will come jumping at her.
This unconscious conditioning will in later years, develop a sense of self worth in her that is tied to the opposite sex.
Even her education will be expected to have an end to “find a good husband”. Her carriage will be expected to “attract the right man”, her fashion sense will be expected to “entice the right man.”
Then she marries, all her doings will be geared towards “keeping the man”. A woman is supposed to keep her home together! (I thought that was supposed to be a joint effort).
Then dont get me started on when she does not marry at such an age as prescribed by society. She would be laughed at, made to feel insecure, Then she begins to visit prayer houses because she has been made to feel there is something wrong with her so therefore, she must seek cleansing or mercy.
She would have to read comments like “Ashawo when will you get married?” A comment seasoned with mockery.
If she does get married and does not conceive at the societal prescribed time, she would be made to feel small, she would be insulted and will often times come online to read comments like “Are you pregnant yet? What are you waiting for?”
While she is berated in the institution of marriage, her counterpart is ignored, overlooked even. That is why seminars there are hardly held for men on how to “get a woman”, or how to “keep a woman” or “how to be attractive for a woman.”
Nobody stresses to the man that keeping a home is a joint effort.
Nobody rings in his head that he also has a societal prescribed age to get married; it is told to him jokingly, but nobody disturbs his peace, “he has to make money”, they will say.
And if you try to bring up these issues, they will present you with your biological clock as an excuse to make you feel the pressure even more. And if you try again, they will tie you up with the rope of religion.
In a society with standards, the masculine gender is excused a lot “its in the nature of a man to cheat”, “He has sexual urges”, then the ultimate “He is a man!”
And I am a woman, what is the point? Is being a woman a disadvantage?