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Is Being A Woman a Disadvantage?

An aspect of inequality that continues to baffle me is the inequality that exists within the institution of marriage, especially in Africa.

From the “thought nurturing” stage to the stage of actual happenstance, I marvel at how a girls mind is carved through conscious or unconscious manipulation.
Right from when a girl is little, she is manipulated to think and breathe marriage. A little action or misbehavior and statements like “Is that how you are going to behave in your husbands house?” will come jumping at her.
This unconscious conditioning will in later years, develop a sense of self worth in her that is tied to the opposite sex.

Even her education will be expected to have an end to “find a good husband”. Her carriage will be expected to “attract the right man”, her fashion sense will be expected to “entice the right man.”
Then she marries, all her doings will be geared towards “keeping the man”. A woman is supposed to keep her home together! (I thought that was supposed to be a joint effort).
Then dont get me started on when she does not marry at such an age as prescribed by society. She would be laughed at, made to feel insecure, Then she begins to visit prayer houses because she has been made to feel there is something wrong with her so therefore, she must seek cleansing or mercy.
She would have to read comments like “Ashawo when will you get married?” A comment seasoned with mockery.
If she does get married and does not conceive at the societal prescribed time, she would be made to feel small, she would be insulted and will often times come online to read comments like “Are you pregnant yet? What are you waiting for?”

While she is berated in the institution of marriage, her counterpart is ignored, overlooked even. That is why seminars there are hardly held for men on how to “get a woman”, or how to “keep a woman” or “how to be attractive for a woman.”
Nobody stresses to the man that keeping a home is a joint effort.
Nobody rings in his head that he also has a societal prescribed age to get married; it is told to him jokingly, but nobody disturbs his peace, “he has to make money”, they will say.

And if you try to bring up these issues, they will present you with your biological clock as an excuse to make you feel the pressure even more. And if you try again, they will tie you up with the rope of religion.

In a society with standards, the masculine gender is excused a lot “its in the nature of a man to cheat”, “He has sexual urges”, then the ultimate “He is a man!”

And I am a woman, what is the point? Is being a woman a disadvantage?


  1. Emmyson says:

    So many people use “culture” to justify the grave injustice done to women!
    But even that is not a sensible excuse cos people make culture and not the other way round… So culture can be remade or simply abolished!!!

    1. thatthickgirl says:

      Thank you Emmyson. What has been made, can be remade. A culture that has subjugated women is man-made, the same culture can be trashed, and I am glad it is already happening..

  2. Uju says:

    This is a wonderful piece dear….. It’s very appalling to say the least, how society has conditioned women to be and behave and deep down some women are internally crying out trying to find expression in who they are and want the society to see not what the society wants to see. This cry is often times never heard, and the endless cycle of producing women who become less than they were meant to be continues. I do believe there is a way out, we as women we just have to break out of the status quo. Once again, thanks for this write up

    1. thatthickgirl says:

      Thank you Uju. A lot of women are suffering internally but are afraid to speak up, because they don’t want to be labelled “angry” or “feminists”, but the truth is if we don’t, there is no way out. A lot of women live unfulfilled lives because of the hurdles put in place by society. That has to change… And by each woman being unafraid and refusing to settle for less, that is how change can come.

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